So you have that girlfriend (or maybe you are “that girlfriend”) who second guesses herself like it’s her religion, asks if her outfit looks good 1000 times, allows herself to be walked over and mistreated, seems to always find Mr. Wrong and so forth.
You know her challenges are deeper than just telling her to “make better decisions” or to “believe in herself” and so you try to support and encourage her in the best way you know how. You really wish you could just flip a switch to help her see herself from the same eyes that you and others see her.
In your heart of hearts you know that her seeing her worth is not that simple and so you just try to stand in her corner, sock the truth to her when she needs to hear it, spew positivity her way, and love on her the best way you know how.
However, because you are “doing life” with your friend, her pain becomes your pain and the weight that she carries tends to weigh on you. The downside is that sometimes you find that you need to distance yourself from your friend in an effort to protect your peace (as you should).
However, if you have open communication with your friend, I want to share with you some ways to help her boost her self-esteem.
I caution you to be sure to come from a space of love (and not frustration, anger or judgement) when seeking to help your friend because just like you’re sensitive about your flaws… she’s sensitive about hers as well! Also, if she hasn’t given you an IN to her life in this way, it’s probably best that you mind your matters.
BUT if you do have a strong bond with your friend and you really want to help, here are a few esteem boosting tips that you can use:
Have a heart-centered chat her. Having real talk with your friends is always refreshing, but instead of the usual girl talk, I encourage you to approach this chat differently. I encourage you to go into this talk with the goal of truly understanding your friend and her self-esteem challenges. If she’s willing to open up, be sure to be all ears and be careful not to judge. During your chat – praise her, let her know you support her, and that you believe in her. Love on her with your words and with sincerity. You may find that she really could benefit from the help of a professional so that she can move forward. If this is the case, encourage her to seek talk therapy, or to read material that will help her make peace with the past.
Encourage her to do something that scares her. Maybe she’s expressed that she’s afraid to speak up in class or at a conference, or that she has a hard time making eye contact with people. Encourage her to assert herself even when she’s afraid. Check in with her to see how it’s going. You can also make this fun by offering to go out for a celebratory cocktail or treat when she is successful in this area. Believe it or not, there is power in breaking through fear. When we do things that scare us, we have better esteem, we feel more confident, and a heavy weight is often lifted from our chest.
Do a positive self-talk challenge with her. If she’s open to join you, do this simple 3 day challenge (below) with her. This may not seem like a big deal but the reality is, the more we bless ourselves the better we feel about ourselves. Check out the challenge below:
Day 1 – Write these affirmations on the mirror:
- “No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.”
- “If I am presenting myself with confidence, I can pull off pretty much anything.”
- “I, myself, as much as anybody in the entire world, deserve my love and affection.”
Day 2 – Choose one of the 3 quotes to recite aloud at-least 7 times throughout the day.
Day 3 – Write a love letter. Write yourself a love letter, the letter you wished someone would have written you, and have your friend do the same.When you are finished with the letter, set a date to read your letter out loud to your friend. Have her read her letter to you as well. Believe it or not, even if you do this activity alone, you both will find so much growth and healing.
I know when I had low self-esteem, I felt like it was the worse thing in the world. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why I couldn’t be confident and secure. When I was going through this, I did what most of us do, I tried to hide it. I pretended to be more confident than I was. However, the more I hid it, the more insecure I felt. One day I decided to own “my flaws” and work on myself. I realized that there’s no freedom in hiding and when I let go of the fear of being “seen” the rest was history. I became more confident as a woman, in business, when making decision, in my relationships, when networking and the like….
I say all of that to say, don’t beat yourself/your friend up if you aren’t the most confident girls in the world. Confidence is something that can be developed and it starts with being intentional about building it. Even if you start with the suggestions that I outlined you’re well on your way.
Much love to you and good luck as you support your friend with her personal growth!
Until next time and as always,
I love you like XO!