If you’ve ever wondered if people pleasing can get in the way of you achieving your goals or pursuing your dreams, the answer is HELL YES!

Here’s why…

Dream chasing requires a crazy (I mean insane) amount of focus, dedication, and sacrifice.

To really achieve your goals, you HAVE to be able to hone in on your ability to minimize distractions.  This is impossible to do if every time someone pulls for your attention and time you say “yes”… or better yet, feel too guilty to say no.

I do get it.  I get that you may be one who loves to see others happy, who doesn’t like confrontation and who sometimes you have a hard time standing up for yourself.  After all, I used to be this way myself.  However, when you stand ready to serve everyone, without any regard for your own needs, you do yourself much  more harm than good.

In essence, you send a message to yourself – and others – that you are not worthy of your own love, time and attention.  And you slowly kill your confidence, your spirit, and enthusiasm for life.

Now, if there’s one thing that can’t be disputed it’s that dream chasing requires lots of enthusiasm and an equal dose of confidence!  So if you’re ready to ditch people pleasing here’s some steps you can take:
 
  1. Take inventory of which people/experiences energize you and which one’s drain you and become intentional about who and what you give your time to.
  2. Immediately cut ties with the things/people who leave you feeling depleted.
  3. Make your dreams a priority and build social activities into your schedule.
  4. Be okay with the fact that just because something is “fun” doesn’t mean you have to say yes to it.

And on making your dreams a priority, here’s 3 tips to help you stay on track:

Create a goal list each week

To develop the laser focus that you’ll need to achieve your dreams, you have to get good at planning and goal setting.  I must admit I am not the best planner, but I’m constantly working on getting better.  One thing I do, and that I suggest you do, is set 1 no more than 2 big goals to complete each week.  This can be anything from going live on Periscope or Facebook, sending out your newsletter, pitching a brand, pre-scheduling content, etc.

Whatever the goals you set,  write them down…

I suggest you make weekly goal setting part of your Sunday evening routine.  Yes, each Sunday before bed, take down 1 to 2 major goals that you want to accomplish for the week.  This way you have more direction and focus from week to week.

Write your to-do list each night

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now that you have your 1-2 goals to focus on each week, I suggest you take a moment each night to make a to-do list for the following day.  To create your to-do list, you want to pick one of your goals and write down the steps you’ll need to take to complete the goal .  For instance, if your goal is to “pitch a specific brand”, you will  list everything you need to do leading up to sending your pitch – researching the brand, writing the pitch, editing/proofing the pitch, etc.  Each of those items will go on your list as separate tasks to complete.

You can always build your to-do list, for each day of the week, out in advance.  However, the goal is to have a list of daily action items to help you stay on track with your goals.

Practice saying NO

Let’s face it girlfriend, saying NO can be much harder than planning your schedule.  However, when you have a clear agenda each day/week it easier to serve up a nice dose of no to those things that aren’t helping you meet your goals.  There’s no other way to get good at saying no, other than practicing.  Here’s a few ways guilt free ways to say “no” until you can build up your nah, nope, hell naw muscle 🙂

  • I would love to! Unfortunately I am swamped right now.
  • I’d love to but I wont be free to hang out for the next couple weeks.  Let’s touch basis then.
  • I am flattered that you asked me, but I can’t add another thing to my plate right now.  I can point you to X person who may be able to assist you.
  • I’d love to but now is not a good time for me, etc, etc.

The thing is this, when you say NO to others you are in essence saying YES to yourself.  Your saying yes to a life where you are not being controlled by the fear of disappointing people. And each time you do this, you gain more confidence in yourself and gain the momentum that’s needed to bring your dreams to life.  So get used to saying no and make no apologies for it.

Have you recently begun or in the past ditched your people pleasing ways?  Have you already become a pro at using the tips provided?  I’d love to hear about experiences in this area.. Share with us below 🙂

Author: Precious

Welcome! I'm Precious - Blogger and Certified Wellness Practitioner.

I founded Rock Your Reality for women, like yourself, looking to live your BEST and AUTHENTIC life! Here you'll can find content centered around alignment, wellness, fearlessness, confidence and self-awareness - all things you need to show up to life fully and authentically!

When not blogging, I enjoy having smoothie bowls and salads at local health food joints, teaching mediation & practicing yoga, turning up with girlfriends, indulging in dark chocolate & having red wine :).

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22 thoughts on “People Pleasing…Why Every Girl Boss Should Ditch It and How

  1. I am definitely not a people pleaser. I rock to the beat of my own drum and have cut people off especially when it comes to business. People pleasing will leave you broke.

    Posted on April 10, 2017 at 5:28 pm
  2. Whoa…I think this is meant for me! Great tips. I think it will be helpful to pick one or two major goals per week. Too many goals for me equals very little accomplished.

    Posted on April 10, 2017 at 7:21 pm
    1. I’m glad you enjoyed the post Danielle!! 🙂 And yes, I agree. If I have too much to do I get overwhelmed and end up doing little to nothing.

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 9:54 am
  3. I love your tips! I admit I’ve been concerned with pleasing people for most of my life. Being honest with myself and ensuring that my yes really means yes is one of my intentions for this year. Thanks for sharing ♥

    Posted on April 11, 2017 at 7:48 am
    1. You’re welcome! and THANK YOU!! I love that – “ensuring that my yes really means yes”! That’s it right there !! 🙂

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 9:55 am
  4. I even have to remind myself of this as a mom. Creating healthy boundries equal balance and a happier me therefore; happier everyone else! Great read!

    Posted on April 11, 2017 at 7:51 am
    1. Yes!! Totally agree. I’m not a mother but I certainly know when mama is happy, honey everyone is happy lol 🙂

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 9:56 am
  5. Saying no is key, because if we always say yes to everything we can become overwhelmed. I’ve learned over the years that people pleasing isn’t worth it especially when we’re working towards make our dreams a reality.

    Posted on April 11, 2017 at 8:19 am
    1. Agreed…People pleasing is generally never worth it. You sacrifice your “whatever” for someone else. Self preservation can carry us a long way 🙂

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 9:57 am
  6. I cleaned toxic people from my life a few years ago. It was the best decision ever. I’m a to do list maker, like obsessively. lol I’ve also learned the power of saying no and knowing that is requires no explaining.

    Posted on April 11, 2017 at 10:18 am
    1. I wanna be like you when I grow up!! haha These are certainly all things my journey has proven are of value 🙂

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 9:58 am
  7. I love the idea of writing a goal down every week and accomplishing that goal. I think I am going to start doing that every week for my blog to feel like something is getting accomplished.

    Posted on April 11, 2017 at 8:39 pm
    1. Yes for sure! I really do make 1-2 BIG goals. I’m like okay, I need to at least do these 2 things this week. I usually feel so accomplished at the end of the week.

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 9:59 am
  8. Girl, I was queen of People Pleaser Land not so long ago. MY mentor quickly dethroned me. Now I feel free.

    Posted on April 11, 2017 at 9:52 pm
    1. haha! Great mentors are QUEEN!!! Thanks for sharing 🙂

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 10:00 am
  9. These are such great tips! Definitely things I often have to remind myself of, even when I feel I’ve mastered them. Especially the saying no.. I have to work on letting no be my answer and not feeling the need to explain myself.

    Posted on April 12, 2017 at 12:38 am
    1. Period, point, blank. lol It is, however, easier said than done and as you mentioned – practice is key. That’s what I try to keep in mind as well.

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 10:01 am
  10. This is a good post. It’s very necessary to purge your friendships and remove people from you life who drag you down. I’m working on doing this now.

    Posted on April 12, 2017 at 2:48 pm
    1. Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it and yes, it’s like when you move past those things/people you are soooo much more FREE!! 🙂

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 10:02 am
  11. Love this! I need to restructure my life and focus!! Smh wow. Real eye opener. I’m going to use a few of your tips this week to begin the process.

    Posted on April 13, 2017 at 8:41 am
    1. Hey love! Glad you enjoyed the post, trust me I’ve been there. It takes time to shift things but when you have the willingness, all is possible. You got it!! Keep me updated, I love to hear how it goes for you 🙂

      Posted on April 13, 2017 at 10:05 am
  12. I think most of my friends who struggle with this, seem to have a hard time saying no to their kids and/or their spouse. They feel like they are putting their dream or career ahead of their children. But there is balance between the two.

    Posted on April 13, 2017 at 10:56 am